What the Scriptures Teach About Love

There is a connection between my obedience to commandments and my ability to love. 

King Benjamin taught his people to obey the commandments "that they might rejoice and be filled with love towards God and all men" (Mosiah 2:4). Alma counseled Shiblon to bridle all his passions "that ye may be filled with love" (Alma 38:12). Paul taught that "the end of the commandment is charity" (1 Timothy 1:5). As we control our carnal desires and obey the commandments of God, our capacity to love is enhanced. The more I obey, the more I am capable of true love. For this reason, any effort in the world to promote love that is in opposition to God's commandments will not increase love, but destroy it.

Why does obedience bring love?

Paul taught that love is one of the fruits of the Spirit. This means that true love is not something I conjure, create, or stumble upon, it is a divine gift that is given by the Holy Ghost. True love goes beyond psychology, sociology or biology. It is spiritual in nature. 

Understanding this helps us see the connection between love and law. If love is a gift given by the Spirit, then that which invites the Spirit more abundantly will also increase my capacity to feel and show true love. On the other hand, Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught that sin "evicts the Holy Ghost from our soul. We lose the great value of His companionship, because He cannot abide in a sinful soul. And without His help, we then become less useful, less perceptive, less functional, and less loving human beings" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003).

C. S. Lewis compared human souls to machines. He explained that commandments, or moral rules, are  "directions for running the human machine. Every moral rule is there to prevent a breakdown, or a strain, or a friction in the running of that machine" (Mere Christianity, 1978 ed. p. 69). Not only does disobedience evict the Holy Ghost from the soul, but it also damages the soul itself. 

When I was a teenager, I remember seeing a Mormonad with a picture of a young man sitting at a piano wearing boxing gloves. The caption at the bottom read "Living with unresolved sin is like playing the piano with boxing gloves—because sin blunts our ability to feel. Let’s free up our lives and then play our part with style" (January 1986). Elder Maxwell said that "When we lose our capacity to feel, it is because we have destroyed the taste buds of the soul" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003). 

Sometimes we are tempted to think that we must choose between love and keeping the commandments. The world often argues that commandments get in the way of love. It also argues that if I don't accept a dangerous behavior as acceptable, I am being hateful. It's frustrating to see a culture so obsessed with the idea of love that they completely disregard and reject the conditions that lead to love. As Elder Maxwell observed "To [commit sin], in the name of love, is to destroy something precious in order to celebrate its existence wrongly" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003). This attitude about sin and obedience probably flows from a misunderstanding of the purpose of obedience. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf suggested that we might need to change our perspective about obedience.

"But perhaps there is a different metaphor that can explain why we obey the commandments of God. Maybe obedience is not so much the process of bending, twisting, and pounding our souls into something we are not. Instead, it is the process by which we discover what we truly are made of.

"We are created by the Almighty God. He is our Heavenly Father. We are literally His spirit children. We are made of supernal material most precious and highly refined, and thus we carry within ourselves the substance of divinity.

"Here on earth, however, our thoughts and actions become encumbered with that which is corrupt, unholy, and impure. The dust and filth of the world stain our souls, making it difficult to recognize and remember our birthright and purpose.

"But all this cannot change who we truly are. The fundamental divinity of our nature remains. And the moment we choose to incline our hearts to our beloved Savior and set foot upon the path of discipleship, something miraculous happens. The love of God fills our hearts, the light of truth fills our minds, we start to lose the desire to sin, and we do not want to walk any longer in darkness.

"We come to see obedience not as a punishment but as a liberating path to our divine destiny. And gradually, the corruption, dust, and limitations of this earth begin to fall away. Eventually, the priceless, eternal spirit of the heavenly being within us is revealed, and a radiance of goodness becomes our nature" (He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home, April 2016).

To see obedience in this way, we must have faith in God. We must do as King Benjamin counseled, which is to "Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend" (Mosiah 4:9). We must understand what the Lord meant when He said "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9).

When we don't believe or obey the commandments because we don't understand them, or because we think we have a better idea, it is often because we lack faith in Him- which is probably why faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel. We sometimes assume that we actually know better how to care for the "human machine" than the one who created it. Infinite commandments don't always seem to make sense to finite minds. God is love, His commandments prepare us to love as He does, without the selfish and proud motives of worldly love.

In a talk about cultivating divine marital intimacy, Sister Nelson highlighted the importance of righteousness and purity for true love.

"Personal purity is the key to true love. The more pure your thoughts and feelings, your words and actions, the greater your capacity to give and receive true love" (Love and Marriage, January 2017).

Not only is the marital relationship enhanced by purity and obedience, but righteousness allows a depth of feeling and love in all our relationships that cannot be experienced by a sin-calloused spirit.

The two great commandments are "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind...And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matthew 22:37-39). As I draw closer to God, I become a more refined and loving person. Love of my neighbor grows from my love for God. I want to strive to draw closer to God so that I can also be a better husband, friend, brother and neighbor.

In my efforts to be a more loving person, I believe my greatest strategy would be to search my life for the areas in which I am either evicting the Spirit from my life or the areas where I am failing to invite Him as fully as I could.

"Total Freedom" can be Bondage

I think freedom means the ability to act. The whole point of the plan of salvation is for us to be free. Lately, Tiah and I have talked a lot about fitness, and on of my favorite ways to describe the value of fitness is "fit is free." Before I started getting fit, I was greatly inhibited in my ability to act as I pleased. My body could not perform the functions I wanted it to. Ironically, this was a result if my "free" diet. Being free to eat and do anything I felt like actually brought me into physical bondage. I always think back to a time before we started to change when I was playing in the area turkey bowl. I remember being so out of shape that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I could see where a play was headed and know in my mind what needed to be done, but my body lacked the physical capacity to execute. Because I chose to live free of dietary rules, I lost my freedom. 

So many people respond to healthy eating, diet and an active lifestyle with the attitude that it is too hard and too restrictive. The don't like the idea of having to monitor what they eat. It feels like it takes away their freedom. In my experience, the greatest bondage we can bring upon ourselves comes from abusing "freedom" and refusing restraint.

To me, this is exactly what the plan of salvation is all about. Heavenly Father wants us to be as free as He is. This does not mean that we rise above the law, but that we obey the laws that govern freedom perfectly. We become perfect in restraint and it sets us free. Today's modern society hates the idea that God has rules and expectations. They see God, if He exists at all, as an indulgent, lasse fair type of parent who will support them in any wickedness they choose to uphold. They do not seem to understand that a parent who demands nothing of his children is not loving, but powerless, blind, and a failure. Why? Because he cannot see that the greatest good of the child is to make a choice and have the ability to act on it. 

I should respond to commandments the way I am learning to respond to new fitness information. I am excited when I learn something new about how my body works because I can then begin to obey that law and receive more freedom. Rules increase the level of freedom I am able to enjoy. 

I believe that the whole plan of God was for us to become as free as He is. Immortality and eternal life means eternal freedom. That's his whole work and glory. To set His children free forever.

Just as physical freedom requires the strengthening and maintaining of my body, eternal freedom requires the strengthening and maintaining of my soul. 

Teaching moment- have a child do a difficult exercise (like running, playing or doing push-ups) while carrying or pulling a very heavy weight. Explain to them that the laws of God are meant to set us free and that The Lord has identified those behaviors which will take away our ability to act freely through commandments. After sufficient time, have them repeat the activity without the weight and note the difference in ability to move freely. Point out that when The Lord invites us to eliminate certain behaviors in our lives, He is doing so in order bring freedom.

Possible ideas to teach: repentance, obedience, faith, commandments, law, love, parenting, LDS, Mormon, religion, freedom, agency, liberty, self-discipline, change.

Possible references: 

2 Nephi 2:16

2 Nephi 2:25-27

D&C 93:33-34

Why I'm Glad to be a Weakling

I think I've always had an overactive sense of shame and guilt. At times, my perception of the Lord has been that of a Father who is disappointed in me and frustrated with my weakness. I have come to understand that God does not see me as I currently am, but as the eternal being that I was, that I am, and that I will be. So it's me (and other humans), not Him, who is surprised or flustered when I fall short. While I see weakness as what's holding me back from growing, He sees it as the very thing that's helping me grow.

For me it was a stunning revelation to learn that God does not only have a divine tolerance for our weakness, it is actually one of His greatest gifts to us. After Paul be sought the Lord "thrice" to remove one of the "thorns" in his flesh. In response, The Lord taught Paul to stop looking at the weakness of Paul and start looking at the grace of God. "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 

(2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

He responded to Moroni's insecurity as a writer in a very similar way: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." 

(Ether 12:27)

I think if we slow down while we read this verse we will see something that can change the way we see weakness. I have always interpreted these verse more like this: "I understand that you are weak. I wish you wouldn't be but since you cannot really help it, I will tolerate your weakness and patch up your mistakes." What He actually said was "I give unto men weakness." He actually gave us weakness. It is a divine gift. Moroni later reminds us of a simple truth about all things that come from God: "But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God. Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil."

(Moroni 7:13-14)

If weakness is a gift from God and God only gives good gifts that invite us to do good, then we should remember that our weakness is not a roadblock or even an annoyance to His plan, but an essential ingredient. We must then be careful not to judge our weakness, which is a gift from God, as coming from the devil. In fact, the devil's tactic is for us to deny or hide our weakness. He must try to get us to believe that The Lord is disappointed in us for having weakness and so we ought to be ashamed to admit it. If this is our response to weakness, then, just as he does with all of God's gifts, satan can take a gift intended to turn us to God and try to use it to turn us away from Him.

This a concept that is beginning to make more sense to me. Weakness is not a curse, it is a God-given gift. If it were not for weakness, I could not understand the power and mercy of God. It isn't easy to see our weakness as reason to rejoice. It seems counterintuitive to rejoice in weakness. It is difficult to celebrate falling short. I think it requires a shift in attitude. We are prone to focus on the fact that we fell short of the mark rather than rejoice in the courage it took to jump and the peace of having one who is both willing and able to catch us. To focus on my weakness can cause me to forget the one who gives me strength. If all I'm worried about is that I didn't jump high enough, I forget what a gift it is to be able to jump and what a gift it is to have Savior to save me. 

It seems to me that too much of life is spent focusing on our failures and maybe not enough on rejoicing in our freedom. The Atonement of Jesus Christ has set us free forever. Free to run and jump and fall and try and fail. Because of Christ we need not fear to stumble or to fail because we have one who is mighty enough to heal and save us. 

I think too often instead of enjoying the freedom which has been bought for me, I sorrow in my weakness and essentially handcuff myself. Why bother living freely when I know I'm just going to fail again. The atonement of Jesus Christ paid my ransom, unlocked my prison cell and opened the door. 

Unfortunately I often remain in my cell, mourning my failures and my weakness. I pull the door closed and bemoan the fact that I feel so helpless. I think to myself that The Lord is so disappointed in me that He must surely expect that I remain in prison. When He tells me the price has been paid and all that is required is that I stand up and walk out, I think He must be kidding. Doesn't He know what I've done? 

Rather than focus on my weakness, I think it's time I start focusing on His strength. Rather than focus on my failures, I need to start focusing on His victory. Instead of focusing on how good I am at breaking things, I need to remember how good He is at fixing things.  Like the great and good in story, if we fail we fail with glory! Understanding God's gift of weakness will set me free forever to fail with glory.

True freedom then is to trust the atonement enough to rejoice in my weakness. Without my weakness, I could not know His grace. I would take a life full of "failures" that leads me to Christ over a life of "security" that keeps me isolated. He is the One who overcame all failure so that He could have the power to redeem us. "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage." (Galatians 5:1)

Teaching Moment: Teach a child how to change a car tire. Have a child try to lift a car alone. When they are unable, talk about how a car jack works (or use one). Discuss how their inability to lift the car led them to seek something with more power. Point out that our weakness is meant to help us turn to the Lord for help and to rely on His strength. You could also point out that there is no shame in being unable to lift a car. Everyone has been given weakness, no one can succeed without seeking help. 

Celebrate weakness! Help a child or youth to develop a proper perspective on failure by congratulating them when they fail. Discuss how failure is not something to fear, but a divine gift. Turn their attention from the shortcoming of failure to the great blessing of trying again. Losing an athletic contest, or doing poorly on an assignment might be the perfect way to for their hearts to be prepared for a discussion about the Lord's great gift of weakness and a perfect opporunity to bear testimony of the strengthening power of the Atonement of Christ.

Possible ideas to teach: repentance, addiction, the Atonement, endure to the end, faith, fear, grace, strength, confession, sin.

Possible scripture references:

Ether 12:27

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Moroni 7:13-14

Galatians 5:1

2 Nephi 2:26-27

Possible Discussion Question:

What are some of the scary things The Lord has helped you to overcome in your life?