What the Scriptures Teach About Love

There is a connection between my obedience to commandments and my ability to love. 

King Benjamin taught his people to obey the commandments "that they might rejoice and be filled with love towards God and all men" (Mosiah 2:4). Alma counseled Shiblon to bridle all his passions "that ye may be filled with love" (Alma 38:12). Paul taught that "the end of the commandment is charity" (1 Timothy 1:5). As we control our carnal desires and obey the commandments of God, our capacity to love is enhanced. The more I obey, the more I am capable of true love. For this reason, any effort in the world to promote love that is in opposition to God's commandments will not increase love, but destroy it.

Why does obedience bring love?

Paul taught that love is one of the fruits of the Spirit. This means that true love is not something I conjure, create, or stumble upon, it is a divine gift that is given by the Holy Ghost. True love goes beyond psychology, sociology or biology. It is spiritual in nature. 

Understanding this helps us see the connection between love and law. If love is a gift given by the Spirit, then that which invites the Spirit more abundantly will also increase my capacity to feel and show true love. On the other hand, Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught that sin "evicts the Holy Ghost from our soul. We lose the great value of His companionship, because He cannot abide in a sinful soul. And without His help, we then become less useful, less perceptive, less functional, and less loving human beings" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003).

C. S. Lewis compared human souls to machines. He explained that commandments, or moral rules, are  "directions for running the human machine. Every moral rule is there to prevent a breakdown, or a strain, or a friction in the running of that machine" (Mere Christianity, 1978 ed. p. 69). Not only does disobedience evict the Holy Ghost from the soul, but it also damages the soul itself. 

When I was a teenager, I remember seeing a Mormonad with a picture of a young man sitting at a piano wearing boxing gloves. The caption at the bottom read "Living with unresolved sin is like playing the piano with boxing gloves—because sin blunts our ability to feel. Let’s free up our lives and then play our part with style" (January 1986). Elder Maxwell said that "When we lose our capacity to feel, it is because we have destroyed the taste buds of the soul" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003). 

Sometimes we are tempted to think that we must choose between love and keeping the commandments. The world often argues that commandments get in the way of love. It also argues that if I don't accept a dangerous behavior as acceptable, I am being hateful. It's frustrating to see a culture so obsessed with the idea of love that they completely disregard and reject the conditions that lead to love. As Elder Maxwell observed "To [commit sin], in the name of love, is to destroy something precious in order to celebrate its existence wrongly" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003). This attitude about sin and obedience probably flows from a misunderstanding of the purpose of obedience. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf suggested that we might need to change our perspective about obedience.

"But perhaps there is a different metaphor that can explain why we obey the commandments of God. Maybe obedience is not so much the process of bending, twisting, and pounding our souls into something we are not. Instead, it is the process by which we discover what we truly are made of.

"We are created by the Almighty God. He is our Heavenly Father. We are literally His spirit children. We are made of supernal material most precious and highly refined, and thus we carry within ourselves the substance of divinity.

"Here on earth, however, our thoughts and actions become encumbered with that which is corrupt, unholy, and impure. The dust and filth of the world stain our souls, making it difficult to recognize and remember our birthright and purpose.

"But all this cannot change who we truly are. The fundamental divinity of our nature remains. And the moment we choose to incline our hearts to our beloved Savior and set foot upon the path of discipleship, something miraculous happens. The love of God fills our hearts, the light of truth fills our minds, we start to lose the desire to sin, and we do not want to walk any longer in darkness.

"We come to see obedience not as a punishment but as a liberating path to our divine destiny. And gradually, the corruption, dust, and limitations of this earth begin to fall away. Eventually, the priceless, eternal spirit of the heavenly being within us is revealed, and a radiance of goodness becomes our nature" (He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home, April 2016).

To see obedience in this way, we must have faith in God. We must do as King Benjamin counseled, which is to "Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend" (Mosiah 4:9). We must understand what the Lord meant when He said "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9).

When we don't believe or obey the commandments because we don't understand them, or because we think we have a better idea, it is often because we lack faith in Him- which is probably why faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel. We sometimes assume that we actually know better how to care for the "human machine" than the one who created it. Infinite commandments don't always seem to make sense to finite minds. God is love, His commandments prepare us to love as He does, without the selfish and proud motives of worldly love.

In a talk about cultivating divine marital intimacy, Sister Nelson highlighted the importance of righteousness and purity for true love.

"Personal purity is the key to true love. The more pure your thoughts and feelings, your words and actions, the greater your capacity to give and receive true love" (Love and Marriage, January 2017).

Not only is the marital relationship enhanced by purity and obedience, but righteousness allows a depth of feeling and love in all our relationships that cannot be experienced by a sin-calloused spirit.

The two great commandments are "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind...And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matthew 22:37-39). As I draw closer to God, I become a more refined and loving person. Love of my neighbor grows from my love for God. I want to strive to draw closer to God so that I can also be a better husband, friend, brother and neighbor.

In my efforts to be a more loving person, I believe my greatest strategy would be to search my life for the areas in which I am either evicting the Spirit from my life or the areas where I am failing to invite Him as fully as I could.

Is this a Prompting or am I just Paranoid?

One of the most common questions that is asked about the Spirit is how we can tell whether or not a prompting is coming from the Spirit or whether it is simply the product of my own thoughts. The most common answer that is given is that if a thought leads you to do good, follow it. If you feel a prompting to take a treat to a neighbor, whether it comes from the Spirit or oneself is irrelevant because every good thing (or thought) originates from Christ anyway. This answer is simple and true, it seems to remove all questions regarding recognizing the Spirit. However, the question continues to be asked, how can I tell? This is because not all promptings are obviously good or bad. The prompting to visit a widow or help someone with a car problem can be easily attributed to the Spirit, but what about the prompting to go to the grocery store at 2:00 AM? What if you feel like you should return home early from a trip or avoid a trip altogether? What about the promptings to back out of a home purchase before signing the contract or to move to a new city? These kinds of promptings can have major consequences that range from inconvenient to disasterous, yet they are not so easy to judge as good or bad. Going to the store at 2:00 AM isn't inherently good or bad, it's morally neutral. I believe these are the promptings that confuse us and prompt the questions about recognizing the Spirit.

The truth is that voice matters more than message. There is no real pattern (other than the one already mentioned) that you can apply to the prompting to know whether it comes from God. You won't always be able to know by the message, sometimes the only way to know is by the voice that gives it. We must become so familiar with the Lord that we recognize His voice clearly and distinctly from all other voices. This is a process that takes a lot of time and effort.

It reminds me of the story told by Elder Allan F. Packer:

“When I was a young man in high school, one of my passions was American football. I played middle linebacker. The coach worked the team hard, teaching us the basics. We practiced until the skills became natural and automatic. During one play against our biggest rival, I had an experience that has helped me over the years. We were on defense. I knew my assigned opponent, and as the play unfolded, he moved to my right into the line of scrimmage. There was a lot of noise from players and fans. I reacted as the coach had taught us and followed my man into the line, not knowing if he had the ball. To my surprise, I felt the ball partially in my hands. I gave it a tug, but my opponent didn’t let go. As we tugged back and forth, amid all the noise I heard a voice yelling, ‘Packer, tackle him!’ That was enough to bring me to my senses, so I dropped him on the spot.

“I have wondered how I heard that voice above all the other noise. I had become acquainted with the voice of the coach during the practices, and I had learned to trust it. I knew that what he taught worked.

“We need to be acquainted with the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and we need to practice and apply gospel teachings until they become natural and automatic. These promptings become the foundation of our testimonies” (“Finding Strength in Challenging Times!” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 17).

In Elder Packer's story, the right action wasn't discernible by an analysis of the many messages being shouted but because he recognized the voice of his coach. 

I think that the question "how do I know whether a prompting comes from God or not?" is fundamentally flawed because it focuses on the prompting itself rather than the voice which is the only true way to know. Perhaps it would be more useful to ask, "how can I better recognize the Lord's voice when He speaks to me?"

Answers to this question come much more readily and in abundance, I have a few thoughts in response. 

1. Failing doesn't make me a failure

Remembering that the Savior's Atonement means that there is no mistake I can make that He can't fix gives me the freedom to fail without being a failure. "Stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free." How do we honor the freedom Christ purchased with His sacrifice? I think we stand fast in freedom when we replace the fear of ruining things with the faith of trying things. For example, while the prompting to share the gospel or my testimony is obviously good, I have at times wondered whether what I say or how I say it will offend someone and therefore cause negative results. When I understand that Christ can fix any unforeseen consequences, I am free to try to do what's right without having to fear permanent damage. In other words, Christ purchased the freedom to try. To stand fast in that freedom means to not attempt to seek answers by thinking that ought to be obtained by doing. Faith means action and there is no shortcut to recognizing God's voice. It cannot be done by study alone, but also by faith, or action. This means that in the situation I mentioned, I share my testimony and trust that if I fail, God can fix the problems and I can learn a better way to try it next time.

2. Move your feet and keep your ears open.

We must learn to keep walking and continue to listen. Sometimes the answers to our questions are not visible from our current position. We may keep praying for the Lord to tell us which way to go when if we would only take two steps in any direction we would realize that we were standing directly behind a tree and the way to go would become obvious. Sometimes the answer is movement, or a change of position. Too often we fall victim to paralysis by analysis. We can debate all day about what could or couldn't be behind the tree or we could take two steps and know for sure. There is no substitute for work and motion.

“What do you do when you have prepared carefully, have prayed fervently, waited a reasonable time for a response, and still do not feel an answer? You may want to express thanks when that occurs, for it is an evidence of [Heavenly Father’s] trust. When you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. As you are sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit, one of two things will certainly occur at the appropriate time: either the stupor of thought will come, indicating an improper choice, or the peace or the burning in the bosom will be felt, confirming that your choice was correct. When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision.”

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007, 10.

3. There is no substitute for time on the lake.

When my dad first took me fishing he taught me that I would know when I had a bite because the tip of my pole would pull down or shake. I would watch and wait and when it would move I would yank the pole and start reeling like crazy. Most the time I found no fish on my hook. I soon learned that a pull on the rod could be actually be caused by many things, including waves, snags or a brother kicking the pole from behind. While I have not become as much of a master fisherman as I would like to be, I have learned that there is no substitute for time on the lake. Others can describe to me exactly how the pole will react or how I should respond, but in reality I will not learn to be a great fisherman until I get the feel for fishing. 

A few weeks ago I fished with my brother who fishes almost on a daily basis. I caught two fish. Both times I was not even sure I had caught anything until I had reeled the fish for a while. As it grew darker I strained to watch the line to see when it grew tight. I stooped close to the water to try to see my line in the sunlight. As he stood upright and reeled like a normal person I asked him how he could see his line. He told me he doesn't really look at the line, he just feels the fish when they bite. While I struggled to fish in the dark he went right on fishing as usual. I realized that while he could describe to me what I would see and feel when I had a fish on, the only real way to know was to spend time in the water learning to feel the difference. I would probably reel a lot of bites with no fish and probably catch a few fish I didn't know were biting, but in the process I would learn to recognize the difference. I believe the same is true of the Spirit. We can ask what it feels like and others can describe it, which helps, but the only real way to know is to "spend time on the lake." 

Teaching moment: take your child fishing. Explain to them that fishing takes time and practice. Encourage them to set the hook and reel if they feel they think they might have a bite and that they will soon come to recognize the difference. Discuss parallels to promptings of the Spirit.

Have a child stand behind a large obstacle. Ask them if they know what is behind it. Invite them to guess. Have them step to the side and look behind the object. Explain that while we should ask for help, sometimes the true answer will only come after we move in faith and that often the direction of the movement doesn't matter as much as the fact that you're moving. Dicscuss how faith is a willingness to act or move.

Possible scriptures:

Mosiah 5:14

1 Samuel 3:1-10

Alma 5:37-38

1 Kings 19:11-13 

Galatians 5:1