What the Scriptures Teach About Love

There is a connection between my obedience to commandments and my ability to love. 

King Benjamin taught his people to obey the commandments "that they might rejoice and be filled with love towards God and all men" (Mosiah 2:4). Alma counseled Shiblon to bridle all his passions "that ye may be filled with love" (Alma 38:12). Paul taught that "the end of the commandment is charity" (1 Timothy 1:5). As we control our carnal desires and obey the commandments of God, our capacity to love is enhanced. The more I obey, the more I am capable of true love. For this reason, any effort in the world to promote love that is in opposition to God's commandments will not increase love, but destroy it.

Why does obedience bring love?

Paul taught that love is one of the fruits of the Spirit. This means that true love is not something I conjure, create, or stumble upon, it is a divine gift that is given by the Holy Ghost. True love goes beyond psychology, sociology or biology. It is spiritual in nature. 

Understanding this helps us see the connection between love and law. If love is a gift given by the Spirit, then that which invites the Spirit more abundantly will also increase my capacity to feel and show true love. On the other hand, Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught that sin "evicts the Holy Ghost from our soul. We lose the great value of His companionship, because He cannot abide in a sinful soul. And without His help, we then become less useful, less perceptive, less functional, and less loving human beings" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003).

C. S. Lewis compared human souls to machines. He explained that commandments, or moral rules, are  "directions for running the human machine. Every moral rule is there to prevent a breakdown, or a strain, or a friction in the running of that machine" (Mere Christianity, 1978 ed. p. 69). Not only does disobedience evict the Holy Ghost from the soul, but it also damages the soul itself. 

When I was a teenager, I remember seeing a Mormonad with a picture of a young man sitting at a piano wearing boxing gloves. The caption at the bottom read "Living with unresolved sin is like playing the piano with boxing gloves—because sin blunts our ability to feel. Let’s free up our lives and then play our part with style" (January 1986). Elder Maxwell said that "When we lose our capacity to feel, it is because we have destroyed the taste buds of the soul" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003). 

Sometimes we are tempted to think that we must choose between love and keeping the commandments. The world often argues that commandments get in the way of love. It also argues that if I don't accept a dangerous behavior as acceptable, I am being hateful. It's frustrating to see a culture so obsessed with the idea of love that they completely disregard and reject the conditions that lead to love. As Elder Maxwell observed "To [commit sin], in the name of love, is to destroy something precious in order to celebrate its existence wrongly" (Reasons to Stay Pure, March 2003). This attitude about sin and obedience probably flows from a misunderstanding of the purpose of obedience. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf suggested that we might need to change our perspective about obedience.

"But perhaps there is a different metaphor that can explain why we obey the commandments of God. Maybe obedience is not so much the process of bending, twisting, and pounding our souls into something we are not. Instead, it is the process by which we discover what we truly are made of.

"We are created by the Almighty God. He is our Heavenly Father. We are literally His spirit children. We are made of supernal material most precious and highly refined, and thus we carry within ourselves the substance of divinity.

"Here on earth, however, our thoughts and actions become encumbered with that which is corrupt, unholy, and impure. The dust and filth of the world stain our souls, making it difficult to recognize and remember our birthright and purpose.

"But all this cannot change who we truly are. The fundamental divinity of our nature remains. And the moment we choose to incline our hearts to our beloved Savior and set foot upon the path of discipleship, something miraculous happens. The love of God fills our hearts, the light of truth fills our minds, we start to lose the desire to sin, and we do not want to walk any longer in darkness.

"We come to see obedience not as a punishment but as a liberating path to our divine destiny. And gradually, the corruption, dust, and limitations of this earth begin to fall away. Eventually, the priceless, eternal spirit of the heavenly being within us is revealed, and a radiance of goodness becomes our nature" (He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home, April 2016).

To see obedience in this way, we must have faith in God. We must do as King Benjamin counseled, which is to "Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend" (Mosiah 4:9). We must understand what the Lord meant when He said "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9).

When we don't believe or obey the commandments because we don't understand them, or because we think we have a better idea, it is often because we lack faith in Him- which is probably why faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel. We sometimes assume that we actually know better how to care for the "human machine" than the one who created it. Infinite commandments don't always seem to make sense to finite minds. God is love, His commandments prepare us to love as He does, without the selfish and proud motives of worldly love.

In a talk about cultivating divine marital intimacy, Sister Nelson highlighted the importance of righteousness and purity for true love.

"Personal purity is the key to true love. The more pure your thoughts and feelings, your words and actions, the greater your capacity to give and receive true love" (Love and Marriage, January 2017).

Not only is the marital relationship enhanced by purity and obedience, but righteousness allows a depth of feeling and love in all our relationships that cannot be experienced by a sin-calloused spirit.

The two great commandments are "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind...And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matthew 22:37-39). As I draw closer to God, I become a more refined and loving person. Love of my neighbor grows from my love for God. I want to strive to draw closer to God so that I can also be a better husband, friend, brother and neighbor.

In my efforts to be a more loving person, I believe my greatest strategy would be to search my life for the areas in which I am either evicting the Spirit from my life or the areas where I am failing to invite Him as fully as I could.

Memories that Move Us

As Alma preaches to a falling people, he first reminds them of the captivity and struggles of their fathers. I find his questions interesting. "Have you sufficiently retained in remembrance?" Why did he ask that question instead of "do you remember?" How much remembrance must we retain in order for it to be sufficient? I think sufficient remembrance is enough to change your behavior. You have sufficient memory when memory moves you. 

In the way Alma is teaching it, memory is not something you have, it is a faith filled action. It is something you work to develop. I don't simply remember things, I seek to remember and I choose what to remember. My mind and my memory are shaped by the choices I make. 

This again comes back to agency. Memory is not thrust on us, especially a memory of righteous things. We work to create that memory and expand it. We shape it. We plant and nourish and reap the garden of the heart.

So is memory based in the mind or in the heart? I'm guessing both. The facts are stored in the mind but the emotional connection is stored in the heart. So in order to have a memory that changes me, I need to choose to take an experience from the realm of facts to the realm of feelings. The Spirit can do this for me. It can create an emotional charge to my memories that leaves an impression on my heart so that a memory now has emotive power. I read today that the word emotion means to move to action. It is emotion that moves us, not fact.

This also makes me think that sufficient isn't actually in reference to an amount of remembering but of a type, location and depth of memory. A memory that is sufficient to change me is one that is charged with feeling. It is emotive, meaning it moves me or puts me in motion. This means that a memory has sunk deeper into my soul than the thinking brain. It has sunk down into the heart. At this point gospel knowledge becomes gospel fuel that motivates-it is emotive. 

While Enos hunted in the woods he said that the words which he had often heard his father speak sank deep into his heart. I like the idea of his memories "sinking in" because there is not really a better way to describe the process of a thought or word slowly moving from the mind to the heart. This is the movement from knowledge to understanding. Every memory has two parts then, the facts and the feelings.

For Enos, the gospel which he had always known was sinking to a different location. This leads to my other thought about how to get a thought or memory from knowledge to feeling. I think it's another way to interpret Alma's question "have you sufficiently retained in remembrance?" I picture a chamber in the thinking brain labeled memory. I also picture that it has a sandy base into which thoughts can slowly sink. Whatever thought or memory is in this chamber represents what I am currently thinking about. When Alma says to retain certain events in remembrance sufficiently, I picture this thought or memory being allowed to remain in the chamber of thought long enough that it begins to sink. Distraction means I pull the thought back to the surface and momentarily replace it with another. When I return to the thought I must start afresh to let it sink in again. This is why distraction is so dangerous. It is also why pondering is one of the most powerful tools of learning. It is retaining a particular thought in remembrance with focused effort long enough to allow a thought to sink.

This describes well the experience of Joseph Smith. 

"Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.

At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture."

It was only after lengthy reflection and continually retaining this thought in remembrance that Joseph came to the conclusion to act on it.

I think I need to work on not only remembering things, but retaining them in remembrance until things (factual) become fuel (emotive). I will need to develop greater self discipline to keep distractions from uprooting my sinking memory.

Teaching moment: While baking a meal or treat, point out that in order for the ingredients to become what they're supposed to be, they must be allowed time to be changed by steady and constant heat. Putting the pan in the oven for 2 minutes 30 times does not have the same effect as baking it for 60 minutes. Discuss how the mind is like an oven and the importance of pondering and retaining inspired words and thoughts in remembrance. Discuss how distraction is like switching pans in and out of the mind and can prevent us from growing or being changed.

Possible ideas to teach: scriptures, study, church, faith, the Holy Ghost, pondering, repentance, change, testimony, learning, memory, habits, goals, change

Possible Scripture References:

Enos 1:1-8

JSH 1:8-14

2 Nephi 4:15-16

Deuteronomy 4:9

D&C 138:1-11

D&C 76:15-20

1 Samuel 3:1-10

3 Nephi 11:1-7

In the Name of Christ or in the Name of Bryce?

When I close a prayer or talk in the name of Jesus Christ, I am affirming that what I have said has been said in His name, meaning it is aligned with His will. In other words I have said and done what He would have said and done. This puts more responsibility on me to learn how to both know and do His will.

The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves blessings which God is ready to give, but which are dependent on our asking for them. The purpose of prayer is for the child to bring his will into alignment with the will of his Father. I believe this is true both of individual prayers and of a lifetime prayer relationship with God. My purpose is to engage in a process of speaking, listening, feeling and asking so that I can become more familiar with the voice of God and the workings of the Spirit. I think the real purpose of prayer is to learn to recognize His voice.

When the Nephites disciples prayed, we are told that they did not multiply many words because it was given them by the Spirit what to pray for. We also know that because angels speak by the Holy Ghost, they speak the words of Christ. So when we speak, or pray by the Spirit, we are speaking and praying the words of Christ. 

We are taught that when we ask the Father in the name of Christ, we will be given whatsoever we ask. We might mistakenly believe that this means we say the name of Jesus Christ as we speak. In reality it means that we speak and pray by inspiration and ask for that which the Lord desires to give us and at the time He desires to give it. 

When I ask the Father in the name of Christ, He will always answer me. This is because the mind of Christ is one with the mind of the Father, so Christ will only ask for that which it is His Father's will to bestow. So every prayer is answered. He did not need to speak many words because not a single word was wasted.

He did not use the shotgun prayer approach, asking for lots an lots of different things hoping He might get a few of them correct. He used the sharpshooter approach, He only asked that which it was His Father's will that He ask. He never attempted a miracle only to find out that it wasn't God's will to perform. Never a wasted bullet because He didn't pray for that which was not right with the Father's will. 

Christ was known for His ability to do so much with so few words. He was not known for lengthy and sparkling orations, but for simple, understandable and penetrating messages that change hearts. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Was the simplest response to a very complex and difficult situation. He did not multiply words.

When I become aligned with the will of Christ, everything I ask is granted. I receive the sealing power. Nephi had the sealing power because he never asked that which was not the will of God. He always prayed in the name of Christ. If this is the case, I too will have the sealing power when I learn to live and act in the name of Christ. Then everything I pray will be fulfilled because I will have learned to ask for what He is ready to give me. 

This requires that I come to know the voice of the Spirit so well that I can always speak in the Spirit. I don't think this means that we shouldn't ask for things we want or we should be scared to ask God because we might guess wrong. I think it means that we don't pray with the purpose of changing God's will, but of learning how to know it.

I have thought then, what about the times when I have prayed for what I desired and it was granted? This doesn't mean I changed the will of God, but that I had recognized an inspired desire. 

The explanation on the revelation of the priesthood points out that church leaders had been moved upon by an inspired desire to extend the priesthood to all worthy males. In other words, the Spirit prompted them to ask for it. 

When Alma and Amulek stood by the pit and watched the believers burn, Amulek sought to save them, Alma knew it was not in the Lord's will. He knew that, while Amulek's desire was borne of love, it was not in the name of Christ. 

I don't think it's wrong to pray for our desires, there is no other way to learn the difference between an inspired desire and  an uninspired one.

Once, after studying this topic, Tiah and I decided to try it. For fast Sunday, we decided to pray about what we should pray about. While we have struggled with the inability to have children and have often felt a desire to fast for children, we felt that this day we should fast for gratitude. To me it seemed like a waste of  a fast. If I was going to go 24 hours without food, I ought to be able to ask for something I wanted, like children. However, we decided to try it. Maybe there really was a difference between praying in the name of Christ and praying in the name of Bryce.

By the end of that day, we had had one of the most refreshing and fulfilling fasts I had ever experienced. The gift of gratitude had been given along with about 100 other subtle and powerful blessings. We almost laughed at ourselves near the end of the day when we realized that children, money, security and any other "blessing" would still leave us unhappy if we didn't have gratitude. With gratitude, happiness could be ours whatever our circumstance. We realized how foolish it would have been to continue asking for things to make us happy without first receiving the gift that is the heart and soul of happiness, gratitude. I believe The Lord made this particular answer very easy to recognize in order to reinforce to me the importance of praying in the name of Christ, not Bryce.

I have wondered how the desire to have children could ever be uninspired since families are the heart of God's plan. I have realized that prayer is not only about asking for the right thing, but also aligning our wills with the right time, the Lord's time. He doesn't set His watch to mine, I must learn to set my watch to His. That, or always wonder why my trials are arriving early and my blessings always late.

John the Baptist had a role to fulfill in preparing the people for the coming of the Savior. Several of Christ's apostles were chosen from among the disciples of John. He could not have performed this role if he had been born 40 or 50 years earlier. He was born exactly on time, according to God's clock, although ridiculously late according to Zachariah's and Elisabeth's.

My purpose then is to learn to live in the Spirit, which will make me one with God and Christ. If I do this, I will be living in the name of Christ. I will have the sealing power, and not one word I speak will the Lord allow to fall to the ground. Until then, all I can do is practice.

Teaching moment: play go fish or a similar type of card game. On one round invite your child to come and play while looking at your hand from your perspective (so they can see what you have). Point out that when they can see things the way you do, they know very easily what to ask for. Discuss how when we become more familiar with the way the Lord speaks and sees things, we can know exactly what to pray for and exactly what to say.

Possible concepts: prayer, faith, recognizing the Spirit, unity, humility, repentance, inspiration, teaching, speaking, revelation, the Holy Ghost

Possible scriptures

Bible Dictionary: "Prayer"

3 Nephi 19:23-25

2 Nephi 32:1-9

Helaman 10:3-10

Alma 14:10-13

D&C 46:30-31

1 Samuel 3:19

1 Samuel 9:6,9

John 17:3, 21-23

Matthew 6:7-13

2 Nephi 4:35

James 1:5-6

Living in the Valley by the Map you Made on the Mountain

I think we are supposed to learn how to be transfigured. Transfigured means to "transform into something more beautiful or elevated." When we are elevated, we can see more and more clearly. From the top of a mountain, I can see the whole valley. So to be transfigured means to become a seer. The way we often talk about being transfigured is that a person is changed so that he or she can endure God's presence. If the Holy Ghost is a member of the Godhead, then to have His presence would require transfiguration. That means that if the Spirit is present in me, I must have been changed to a higher state. Therefore each experience I have with the Holy Ghost is at least partially a transfiguration. I am momentarily changed from a natural man with natural eyesight to a spiritual man with the gift of seership. Like Nephi and so many prophets, I am carried away by the Spirit into a high mountain.

From this mountain I see the world differently and many of the blind spots, questions, and challenges that I struggled with down in the valley become clear to me from my mount of transfiguration. I can see the solutions to the problems I have been facing.

The Lord says that while I am on this mount, I must make a map of the valley below and make commitments to follow my markings. When I return to the valley, my eyesight will again become dim, I will not see things so clearly and life will become more confusing once again. I have to trust the map I made while I was a seer. I believe this is how covenants work. We see the valley from the mountain, then we bind ourselves to act in certain ways based on what we see. For example, each week we go to sacrament meeting to be transfigured by the spirit. While there we bind ourselves to take His name upon us, always remember Him, keep His commandments and have His Spirit to be with us. That is a covenant we make in an edified setting, having sung, prayed and pondered together. 

I think that in addition to the saving ordinances and covenants, we can also make personal specific covenants. Studying the scriptures, praying, family home evening, service. All these are opportunities to climb the mountain on a regular basis so that we can see the day or week or hour more clearly. From this position, having my bearings straight, I can live an inspired life because I have seen it from above. 

So the challenge of life is to live life in the valley based on the vision you had while on the mountain. I think President Packer said that we go to the temple to make covenants and we go home to live them. I heard someone the other day mention Elder Bednar's teaching that our morning prayer should be a Spiritual creation of our day and that our evening prayer should be a review and report of how well we created what we had envisioned from the mountain top.

I may not have the same feeling of clarity that I did when I made the commitment, but that's exactly why I made the commitment. I knew I would be returning to the valley with its confusion and blinding fog. I knew when I returned that I would doubt my own memory of the mountaintop view. This is why I made a clear and direct commitment to follow the map I made when I could see more clearly. 

We must learn to live by what we have seen even when the clarity of seeing it has passed. We must live based on the power we have felt even when the feeling of power is no longer with us. As we do, we will strengthen our faith and our independent will and become better able to act on our surroundings based on true principles rather than have our surroundings act on us.

Teaching Ideas: take children, youth, students to a mountain peak, high building or other high place.  Help them recognize how much more they can see. Have a discussion about the Spiritual principles.

Possible concepts to emphasize: the Holy Ghost, edification, spiritual vs. natural eyes, prophets/seers, the purposes of covenants, church meetings, scripture study, prayer, temples, FHE.

Possible Scripture References

2 Kings 6:16-17

1 Corinthians 2:14

D&C 43:8-9

D&C 93:24-31

Moses 1 (or any story of prophets in mountains)

Please respond with additional insights, experiences, connections and references.